I swear in my past life I was a race car driver – this is one of the characteristics Matt and I have in common. I borrowed his car today, which if you can’t guess what he drives, let’s just say it’s FAST.
It’s not my favorite of his past cars (my favorite is his beat-up old pick-up truck and I admit, I was partial to the Audi) but it’s fast and for those of us who drive cars older than Snoop Dogg’s The Last Meal record, you feel a little like a celebrity when you drive this car. You can’t help it. I envision myself being played by Sienna Miller who I don’t think is a slut. I think she’s awesome and would be tons of fun to party with. Either her or Anjelica Huston (who I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE). Please note, I look nothing like either one of these actresses, but they both possess this calm, cool demeanor that quietly dishes, “hey baby, it’s cool, I’m cool, you’re cool.” Plus one day I want to be sunning topless off the coast of Italy on a 50ft yacht and Sienna is a good role model for this aspiration.
Anyway, this morning on 787N I opened it up, man. I mean even doing 85 mph, the car drives so smoothly you can apply liquid eyeliner with surgical expertise. It’s such a rush. So needless to say, while I was belting out The Rolling Stones Beast of Burden, bobbing and weaving out of lanes and applying my mascara, it took me a minute to hear the sirens and see the flashing lights closing in on me. Now most of you, and me included, if I had been driving my own car, would have immediately slowed down and made your way to the right lane to accept your fate. Nah-ah, not me, not this morning. Maybe it was the Italian roast coffee this morning or the roach I smoked before I left the house, but I was like, screw it, I’m going to accelerate just for a few seconds and see if I could out drive a Ford Crown Vic (is this what NYS troopers drive?).
Balls man, balls – that is all I have to say. Everyone should do this at least once in their lives. What fun. So, after the adrenaline wore off and my brain warmed up, which took about 6.7 seconds, I began to slow down and I pulled over. Long(ish) story short, I had slept with the trooper knew the trooper, which was a godsend after I realized (6.8 seconds) I have a warrant out for not paying a ticket/not showing up for court (I got while parked in front of Bombers picking up food).
FYI, it’s illegal to leave your car running and unattended in New York. Apparently, this makes it easier and a good target for car thieves – and this is MY fault should someone else brake the law and steal my car?
Thank you Matt for a wonderful start to my day. I do believe that your car could take the Crown Vic.
Shake and Bake.
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I outraced a trooper in my Benz once hit 140 on the northway. 2nd time not so lucky. Let’s just say laying face down on the thruway isn’t as fun as it sounds
LMAO…gotta love Mercedes…
AHAHHAHAHA what a great thing to read first thing in morning!! thanks for laugh! ps 787 is my own personal speed trap, I’ve gotten pulled over 6x on there for speeding
you go girl!!!!!!!
This post was very strange. Very, very strange.
Was there an actual point to this story?
And just so you know, police cruisers are “chipped” and not governed – meaning they are souped (sp?) up and the engine will not cut-out after reaching speeds of upward to ~130mph-ish… not that I would think a chase would go up to that – unless you really have a deathwish.
I may as well go home, because this is the best thing I’ll read all day. Christy D, you are my hero ;) Amazing.
Christy, you soooo have to post more often!!!
Very funny!
I would drive that fast on 787 too, if people would only get out of my way!!!!
Hey Christy- If this story is even 80% true- then thanks for endangering my life on 787 this morning. Stupid. Perhaps after your roach, you should stay home or at least drive a bit slower.
I loved this post. I can see so much of myself within it! Hope the rest of your day is just as exciting but remember no one can out run a radio……be careful….but still have lots of fun!
So what kind of car does Matt have? Because I saw a minivan on my tail this morning on 787N, I changed lanes, and the minivan went by me doing probably 90…. and I said to myself, “that crazy girl is gonna get her ass pulled over, minivan or not…”
man i gotta start ‘knowing’ troopers…
Really? From your previous posts, I never would have guessed that you are such a rebel!
Christy, I agree with (mostly) everyone else: you need to post more often! This is hilarious… makes me glad I don’t drive on 787 anymore but still the best blog post I’ve read this year!
Some of you (ahem, #s 10 and 6) need some disemvoweling in the near future!
@#1, DB, not fun huh? Then you’re not doing something right! ;-)
Sigh..I owe the city of Albany a couple hundred of dollars in tickets because if you don’t pay them apparently the amount increases…I think I’m one away from getting my car booted. Better pray I don’t get pulled over for speeding
You absolutely need to post more often! Why have you been holding out on us?!
85 is fast?
Christy, i know a good lawyer if you ever need one… I hope you didnt light the back porch on fire when you put out that roach this time…
@mrswags(#10) sounds like you should try sparking one up in the morning…
This http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/22/child-is-killed-in-traffic-collision-in-chinatown/ kind of thing, by the way, is why it’s illegal to leave cars running. Besides just being dumb for non-safety reasons.