You know what I love about my friends who have babies? Absolutely nothing.
My girl friends with their maternal instincts, and my guy friends with their hatred of condoms, have really messed up my life. I miss the beer pong days, and the spontaneous trips to “the Big Apple”, my friends who would stay up until 5:00 in the morning and then go eat chicken parm at a Greek diner in Latham. Those days are gone. Now it’s like, “he’s walking! or…She just said the word “poop”!” or ”we might move to Delmar into a beautiful ranch with a driveway.” vomit.
I was trying to watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion episode (let me just say that I haven’t been this excited about a single hour of television since Britney Spears comeback performance at the VMAs in 2007), and as I’m sitting on the couch, I hear a song playing from under my man thighs.
What was the song, Matt? Fine, I’ll tell you.
I sat on my friend Christy’s kid’s toy that was wedged in my couch cushion, along with my wasabi and soy flavored almonds by Blue Diamond (yum) and Kay’s Pizza crust. Her son has a toy guitar that plays songs when you graze any one of the 4 billion multi-colored buttons on the toy. And when I sat back into my couch, I heard the guitar start to play…. “Fruit salad… yummy yummy”.
Apparently there’s this musical group (or cult, I don’t know what it is) called The Wiggles. They scare me. But they have a song called “Fruit Salad. Yummy yummy.” and it gets stuck in my head and won’t leave it for weeks. I was at dinner tonight at a restaurant in the Lower East Side, and the waitress said they have a “fruit salad” special. And I said “Fruit salad… yummy yummy”… but sang it to the tune, as a JOKE to myself. And one of the women at the table exclaimed, “Oh my god! I love that song. Do you have kids?” So I said, “Waiter, another martini please. Kettle One. Dry with olives. And please shut that lady up.”
I will say that I appreciate the fact that the song is trying to encourage kids to eat fruit. Although I personally hate fruit salad, I applaud them for not having a song called “Fruit Roll-Up. Yummy yummy.”
Anyway, here is the toy and the song…
Take some e and watch an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. That is amazing time
my wiggles terror moment: the song about the ducks going goodbye or something, it’s so sad/cute….and gets lodged in my head. Or how about ‘Bad Bad Baby’ not sure who sings it, but when my friend starts singing this in the car to her son in a deep husky voice I firmly believe an alien has invaded her body & taken over her sole- that scares me.
I can relate. I used to carpool with a friend and we would drop her son off at daycare on the way…then at 10 am I would be humming “Hot Potato” from the Wiggles.
That’s horrible. I think we should rewrite the song.
But what did you think of RHNJ? Pretty lame. Danielle is such a slut and Theresa is about to pull out a machine gun and start killing people.
I won’t even play that clip for fear the song will be stuck in my head ALL DAY LONG!
Amen. Many a friend’s child has ruined my social life. (And apparently babies are a no-no at the bar.)
I love you Matt! You see, as a 30-something married female, I’ll be struck by lightning if I say those things. Although I will confess to buying the most obnoxious toys I can find for my friends kids. That’s payback for ruining nights at the club and last minute weekend trips.
If you like that one, you should try YoGabbaGabba, “There’s a party in my tummy. So yummy, so yummy” Every time you eat something good, you will think of this…over, and over, and over again. :(
My year old nephew has a toy my parents keep at their house. It’s a table with buttons and dials and frogs. Pushing several of the buttons triggers the frogs to RIBBIT “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” loudly, with no volume control.
Everyone in my family, including my sister (the mother of this child) decided that this was a “garage toy”… as in its too loud and annoying for Evan to play with in the comfort of the house!
I’m 45 with a 3 month old baby and firmly believe in an “off” switch for all toys. I will not, repeat, not indulge my boy in obnoxious toys! (my frienemies with kids are laughing at me now!)
i sure do love this post. now everyone at work thinks im crazy because im laughing at my screen
:)
babies ruin everything!
My sister gave my son this stupid toy and I HATE it with a PASSION. Now, for a good kid show – check out Phineas and Ferb – fanfuckingtastic – it’s the only show my kid watches that doesn’t make me want to pull my hair, eyes and fingernails out.
does anyone know this wiggles hit titled “i’ve got the clap”?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bw2X1oq_js
disturbing much?
You know what I always say, “Nothing ruins a friendship faster than having kids.” Here’s to all the other DINKs out there…Double income no kids!